Yes, after a long time, I am back to myself and back to my blog writing. If you see the period between the last blog and today, its almost two years, Two long years of solitude, pain, sufferring, mental agony and abuse of others including close ones. These two years have taught me many lessons, many lessons which would have taken few life times for me to realize and learn.
In such a short notice, I grew up to be a really oldman, if I can call myself same. The uncalled for sense of hatred, inflicting pain and emotional turture and finally all culminating into the physical pains, medications, therapies, long hours and days of number of neeles being pricked into body, blood being changed very often, needles being hammered into the spinal chord, endoscopic machine tubes often visiting the food pipe and stomach and number of drugs for my survival.
All these were happenning in silence, of course pain always comes in silence and made me more lonely. It gave me an ordeal to fight and find how life looks like. May be I never valued life before as I am valuing today.
In cried in pain, sufferred lonely, read books after books, wrote dozens of poems and stanzas on my loneliness and took u dialogues with God and Ghost..... I called this period of my life as 'SEASON OF ASHES'. Who created this, who empowered this, who blocked my life are immaterial now. In the deep agony and sufferance, I challenged God to punish the enemies and he did..., but how pointless are these elements of life, how useless are people for whom you always wanted to do something out of the day, how false was your emotion....
I dropped all of them one day when I had my verdict that I dont have much time left and in desperation, I prayed God to forgive them.... in the same line to forgive me for all the bad thoughts I carried for poeple.
I am back with a new vigour of life, with a new hope and with a new conviction to play another innings of life.
Its another life, another place and another MAN called tapan panda
