Yes, after a long time, I am back to myself and back to my blog writing. If you see the period between the last blog and today, its almost two years, Two long years of solitude, pain, sufferring, mental agony and abuse of others including close ones. These two years have taught me many lessons, many lessons which would have taken few life times for me to realize and learn.
In such a short notice, I grew up to be a really oldman, if I can call myself same. The uncalled for sense of hatred, inflicting pain and emotional turture and finally all culminating into the physical pains, medications, therapies, long hours and days of number of neeles being pricked into body, blood being changed very often, needles being hammered into the spinal chord, endoscopic machine tubes often visiting the food pipe and stomach and number of drugs for my survival.
All these were happenning in silence, of course pain always comes in silence and made me more lonely. It gave me an ordeal to fight and find how life looks like. May be I never valued life before as I am valuing today.
In cried in pain, sufferred lonely, read books after books, wrote dozens of poems and stanzas on my loneliness and took u dialogues with God and Ghost..... I called this period of my life as 'SEASON OF ASHES'. Who created this, who empowered this, who blocked my life are immaterial now. In the deep agony and sufferance, I challenged God to punish the enemies and he did..., but how pointless are these elements of life, how useless are people for whom you always wanted to do something out of the day, how false was your emotion....
I dropped all of them one day when I had my verdict that I dont have much time left and in desperation, I prayed God to forgive them.... in the same line to forgive me for all the bad thoughts I carried for poeple.
I am back with a new vigour of life, with a new hope and with a new conviction to play another innings of life.
Its another life, another place and another MAN called tapan panda
3 comments:
U r a No Ordinary Man, U always have been fighter since your birth.U r a real Brave heart.I m sure your second innings will be far better than your first one, with lots of experiences in your life.Good Luck and May all ur dreams come true.
Yes i do agree with Priya, as I know with personal interaction and through common friends like Subrat. Your eyes were always communicating beyond presents and your body movement(Speed and confident calmness)were speaking of your-self/your-soul. many a times I was talking with my friends about your sudden absence from scene, without knowing the truth behind but one thing was very clear in mind that their is something big behind it (I could not think of BAD...). I also have similar conclusions about life through series of sufferings and LOSSES BUT always kept young and new in thinking, I could never believe I am chronologically aging, and everyday trying to RECREATE LIFE, .... my love and gratitude to you Tapan Sir,....SATISH, New Delhi/NOIDA
As u have proved your success story in the first inning, Second is going to be more successful, mature and giving...as soul... you have Spiritually grown (since forgiven many) very OLD...in my PLR and Transpersonal Psychology area you are an OLD Soul, A Change maker...have reincarnated for Large and Big scale works as an Individual rather than through Institution... Dear Readers Pl Dont take this comment lighter, The change makers Like Ashoka the Great reborn...his Chief of Army Staff who fought with him at the banks of Daya Nadi (DAYA RIVER)in Kalinga is also in life again (and graduated from IIM Ahmedabad in 1993 Batch)...Al the Best for encouraging everyone say "YES" to life..... SATISH
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